


An old and broken soul

by Fighting_for_creativity



Category: Torchwood
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, M/M, Past Drug Use, Past Lisa Hallett/Ianto Jones, Post-Episode: s01e06 Countrycide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-27
Updated: 2017-12-03
Packaged: 2019-02-07 16:51:18
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 9,728
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12845415
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fighting_for_creativity/pseuds/Fighting_for_creativity
Summary: Ianto had always been special.He had secrets and some were rather dark.One day everything is too much and he snaps.There will be hope and there will be love, but sometimes everything gets twisted befor it will be good.





	1. Prologe

**Author's Note:**

> Hey there, one of my Nanowrimo projects. It is not betad and I wrote the whole fic in 7 hours time. So most likely it is not up to my usal standards and I apologize beforehand. 
> 
> I just really needed to publish this one. It is complete inclusive an epiloge and I will post each day one chapter.  
> I got inspired by Markov_Debris´ Awaiting universe series. (Can someone help me with linking this?)
> 
> It also isn´t strictly chronical and I may change that in the future.

Ianto Jones liked his life. He had friends, a good and exciting job and he had the love of his life. Or that was what he told himself. He loved Lisa, he really did. But sometimes at night, there were dreams of a past or future, he couldn't pinpoint when, were he laid in someone's else's arms and felt so much more secure. He would dream of fires and humans turned to robots. He would dream of a pterosaurian and the hunt for it.

Sometimes he would dream of Lisa being one of those humanoid robots. Sometimes he dreamt he was lying in a male's arms, dying. There were days, when nothing concerned him. When he felt detached and untouchable. No emotion could reach his brain and no worry could cloud his judgement.

There were also these days when everything was crashing down on him. The feelings of others, not only those in the close proximity of his but in a wide range. The thoughts of people he touched accidentally, one reason why he never NEVER took the subway, and the visions he came to term with having.  
Lisa tried to be understanding on those days. Not really knowing what went on with Ianto, for he never told anyone. Ianto knew, should any member of Torchwood ever find out, he would be a prime experiment subject. That was a part of his job he hated. Knowing more than others, finding out more than others.

On the bad days he took drugs to get a disconnection between his wrongness and the feelings. His brain clears and is able to handle the muffled version of onslaught emotions. He never talked about his family. He never talked about his live in Cardiff. And, most importantly, he never talked about his feelings. Except his love for Lisa.

After Carnay Wharf and after his suspension from Torchwood three, which should have been his execution, he never tried deliberately to hid again. He had a few secrets left. Ianto Jones was aware that neither of their team, while trying to befriend him now, had any clue what else he had hidden. He wasn't so sure he wanted anyone to know. But the cannibals did the trick.  
Because of the cannibals he snapped.


	2. unwanted Memories

It was the day after they had returned and rested, that Ianto distributed their coffee in the conference room, when he accidently brushed Tosh´s shoulder, and found a memory of himself kneeling in front of her, ready to be killed. He screamed and scrambled away from her. Holding his head and shaking violently. He was unable to respond to the others concerned calls of his name and questions.

"Ianto?!", Gwen was kneeling beside the archivist and reached out to touch him. But as soon as her fingers braced Ianto's arm, she recoiled. Images of fire and cybermen floating shortly in front of her eyes. Shocked she looked wide eyed at Ianto.

 

"What was that?", she asked breathily. The other team members of Torchwood three were rotten in place. They had no idea how to help the trembling man on the floor. Jack tried to talk soothingly and even Owen knelt in a nonthreatening way.  
When the still got no response from Ianto, Jack tried to embrace him, despite to protest of the team. Jack should have listen. Because as soon as he was as much as in touching range, Ianto's eyes snapped to him in utter disbelief and fear. It was Lisa all over again and the immortals heart ached.

 

Tears were rolling off Ianto's cheeks and soon the fear and disbelief was forced behind a dull look. Dull and nearly lifeless. Gwen gasped and Toshiko felt sorrow in her heart. Owen cursed under his breath and Jack was helpless.  
Then, as if a switch was pulled, the archivist smiled sadly and whispered: "I am glad that I had met you all. When I will wake up again, never touch me again. My shields are broken, my mentally unstable. I need rebuilding time, and I can´t know about it. Don´t tell me what happened. I will erase the last two years of my memory. Never try to make me remember. I will remember being part of Torchwood three. I will remember my loyalty to you. But I won't remember any cases, any relationships and feelings. I simply won't be Ianto Jones anymore. I won't remember Lisa, Canary Wharf or even the start of work here. I will simply conduct a story saying that I was rectonend by accident and had been here for two years working. I hope I can count on you. No one of you try to make me remember. That is everything I am asking."

His voice had been dull, nearly robotic like. But his last sentences were heart wrenching pleas. No one knew what to say to this. Then Ianto collapsed.  
Jack and Owen brought him to the medical bay and installed every thinkable monitoring system on him. Unbeknown to them Ianto started to dissolve every memory of the past two years.

After two hours Toshiko asked the one important question: "Jack, can he do that?"

"I am not sure. I have once encountered a race capable to change others minds and memories but a human?", he whispered.

With ferocity neither of them had felt in a long while, each one of them started research. They needed to know what that all was about.  
Owen tried the medical approche, scanning and breaking into the medical files of Ianto from Torchwood one. Coming up with a blank.

Gwen tried to find similar cases within police accounts but found none.

Tosh raided the archives and piled files open files not only on her computer but also around her desk.

Jack dealt with everything the rift thrown them that day.

It was the next morning when Ianto woke up.  
Everyone was feeling rather nervous and soon they found out that they had all the right to be.  
Owen stood closed to Ianto and was about to ask when Gwen blurrted out: "What is the last you remember?"

For this she got an annoyed groan from Owen and disappointed looks from the rest.  
But Ianto looked at them all with mild confusion and an air of lightness. He croched his head a bit and spoke slowly: "I was handing out coffee and then had a bad headache. Which in the end caused me to faint."

Before Gwen could ask anymore, Owen contributed: "What had happened two days ago?"  
Everyone wanted to forget about that but as much as they wanted to forget it was vital information if Ianto could remember or not.  
"I... I was rearranging the archives and have done my job as always. You were coming back from your team bonding and had been running late."  
That was an answer no one wanted to hear. After several more questions, all of which avoided Lisa, they had a fairly picture how Ianto saw himself in Torchwood and the past two years.  
Only Owen and Jack had manage to stay till the end of the interview. The girls had been sickened and heart wrenched by the time Gwen replacing Suzie had come up.

After a while Owen gave Ianto a strong sedative, when he showed signs of pain and started to panic again.

Later, they had resumed to work, or at least tried until Jack told them to heed home, they realized what each and everyone of them had lost yet again.

Gwen had lost a good collages, willing to mend bridges.

Owen a man he could banter with and had always a witty come back for him.

Tosh a friend.

And Jack all of it and a bit more he wasn't willing to admit to.


	3. Misunderstanding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jack gets tipsy and Ianto is doing something stupid

Jack felt devastated. He wasn't aware of how much Ianto had started to mean to him until the welshman had collapsed. The cannibals weren't enough, no the universe was set to destroy Ianto, or so it seemed. His mood was particularly dark and he poured himself his third whisky, when a soft knock paused him. Looking up in alert, only to see his beautiful Jones standing awkwardly in the door, leaning a bit at the frame.  
"What can I do for you, Ianto", he blurrted out when his slightly sluggish brain registered, the man shouldn't be out of the medical bay. "And you have to rest. Doctors orders!"

Licking his lips nervously he replied: "I know, Sir. But I couldn't sleep anymore."  
After a pause he added: "May I sit with you?" 

Taken aback by the request Jack stupidly shook his head.

 

"Oh. I thought so, still... ehm. Fine. I try to get some work done. If you need me I'll be-"

"Stay!", he all but shooted and felt his cheeks burn in embarrassment. Cautiously the younger male walked further into the room and set opposite from Jack. A smile small of gratitude and insecure fidgeting with his hands, when Ianto sat done, was all the response the Captain got. Somehow that angered Jack and he was about to lash out when the quiet welshman said:

"The questions today... what really happened to me?"

This was unexpected and unwelcomed. Jack wasn't sure how he should answer as Ianto had begged for them all to not make him remember. Sighing softly, Jack settled for a half lie: "Listen Ianto, I don't know. One moment you touched Tosh accidently, the next you had a nervous breakdown. We all want to find out, but think it is maybe for the best, if at least for now, we let you recover and remember on your own terms without interfering much."

Considering the words of the immortal Ianto smiled nervously and inclined his head once. Then he started to push himself out of the chair and said: "I should get the work done I have missed out on. It is unfair to the team, if their butler can´t-"

For the second time this night Ianto got cut off. Jack had slammed his fist down hard on his table and glared murderously at him. Ianto stilled like a deer caught in the headlight and his heart rate increased. Not trusting his voice he searched Jack's angry face for an answer he had not asked the question for.  
Breathing a couple of times to calm down, he only managed to increase his frustration as Ianto still stood half risen.  
"Sit!", he bought out between clenched teeth. And was immediately obeyed. The other man's eyes followed his movements when he himself stood up and went to a cabinet, taking another bottle out and returning to the desk.  
"I don't know what you believe you mean to any of us, but it is not that!" , he spit and nursed his drink.

Ianto knew. He always was aware that he was nothing to the others. The only reason he had, the only allowance to exist, was being able to service. Being told, that he wasn't even the butler he felt fear grip him. He didn't want to leave Torchwood. He loved his work and while sometimes it was hard to hold on to that joy when he was left behind, he still felt propose. But Jack just said, that he wasn't even that. Raw and wild fear choked him. He used the silence between them to evaluate what he was sure of was the truth. When Jack had hired him, he had seen lust shining in the other man's eyes. When he first started he had gotten on rocky with everyone but won them over due his efficiency. Jack had hitted on him and flirted with him until Gwen joined. While Ianto liked Gwen nice enough, he had shortly felt jealousy. But he knew, that Owen and her were shagging, so Jack was currently not able to attain her. Wasn't he? He knew that in their past in Torchwood Owen had bisexuell encounters but stuck mostly to the female sex. Gwen was a loving woman, but needed someone who was able to understand her work. Then there was Toshiko to consider. She was intelligent and Ianto felt, that she liked him for his personality, although he didn´t understand how anyone could like him.

Slowly a plan started to form in his mind. He needed to show his captain his uses. The anger had vanished and was replaced by concern. But all the while there was also an air of sexuell frustration. Ianto had felt it the moment he walked in and he needed to seize the moment.  
"Sir?", Ianto played on the captain's protectiveness when he made his shoulders slump and his head hang a bit. Looking shyly under dark lashes towards Jack.

Jack was baffled. He couldn't gauge Ianto's reaction and in his inebriated state, he wasn't really capable of seeing through the act. So he set his glass down and leaned forward. "Ianto... I..."

"Sir, do you still want me?"

His plan was easy. Luring Jack into believing he needed to be protected by the man and inspiring lust afterwards. It was a dirty trick and it was whoring himself. But he couldn't care less. He needed to stay in Torchwood. It was everything he had left. Why that was he wasn't sure. But his goal in mind he couldn't dwell on such things. His musing had cost him to notice the surprised look on Jack's face.

"Ianto! What is that for a question!", he had rosen and rounded the table to stand beside Ianto, who looked as traumatized as he did after his suspension. Hesitating the leader knelt beside Ianto and lay his hand on Ianto's knee. He tried to be reassuring. His alarm bells tried to ring off but were numbed by the alcohol.

"Sir... Jack...", he purred Jack's name. He had the flashes of memory where Jack wanted more often than not that he dropped the Sir. So he tried to appeal to Jack the most. In a quiet and vulnerable voice he said: "I could understand, if I offend you with this, but since you always flirted with me I was hoping..."

Deliberately trailing off and turning his face a bit away from Jack, he felt the tightening of the older man´s hand and knew he had him hooked.

Wide eyed the captain tried to process what he was hearing. "Are you... do you want to...?" 

Jack was lost for words. So often had he imagine how he would take the younger male to bed and make love to him. Never simple sex, not after their hunt for Myfanwy. He always thought of prizing the younger man for all his deed for Torchwood, for him and his team. Then Lisa happend and he wasn't so sure, he wanted Ianto anymore. Only to realize, that he had been deeply hurt by betrayal, not by a hurt ego. He had come to terms with his affection for the welshman and had tried to stifle it. Sure he still lusted after him, but he did his best to ignore those needs. The Cannibal incident enchanted the need to protect his brave dark haired Ianto. He had been the one with the least field experience, and yet he had handled it the best. Jack had felt proud and like they now belonged to a real team. Each and everyone of them a member with the same value.  
Therefore Ianto's answers to their questioning in the morning had hurt worst than the betrayal, even worst than being left by the doctor. He had failed again and again. Every moment they had known each other, Ianto had rewritten into a rather depressing story. If that wasn't enough, he also seemed to believe that he was only kept due some resistance against Retcon and the others wouldn't want him dead because it was too much work.

That had made Jack Harkness really sad and tired. In that moment he had felt all those immortal years. Ianto had gladly changed his memory into being literally a slave to Torchwood until he died. A slave no one really cared about as long as he was efficient. He had needed to forget those disturbing thoughts and had turned to his alcohol stash.  
And in his darkest mood, Ianto had came to him for answers, which he couldn´t give.  
Before he could muse more, he felt tender fingers caressing his hand and cheek. Focusing again he saw a shy yet determined expression on Ianto's face. The touches were innocent and pure.

 

"I would be honored if you took me to your bed."

It was a daring move, he was aware of that. But he needed to risk it. He had seen the far away look Jack started to have. The welshman needed to get the other man's full attention and want. He needed to ensure, that Captain Jack Harkness wanted to bed him again.

Later when Jack had embraced Ianto and drifted of, the dark haired man reached out with his mind to see for himself, if he had satisfied his boss's needs for now and was still wanted. As he skimmed the outskirts of Jack's mind he found most thoughts were about him in a good way. Jack seemed to have enjoyed it immensely and wanted a repeat.  
`The only question is, how can I make myself desirable for as long as possible. I can't always refuse or accept him. I need to gauge when it would be good timing and when not. I have to experiment a bit in the near future´ he thought while he stared up with lifeless eyes.


	4. Lovebites can be treacherous

For the next weeks the members of Torchwood established a new routine.  
Ianto would still be the first in the hub and had coffee ready when the others came in. Then he would disappear in the archives and reciprocated each attempt of his coworkers.

But Tosh, Gwen and Owen where always far before their usal time there. They tried to tidy after themselves and resumed their researches from before Ianto's awaking. They all have sensed that the young man was trying to sink into oblivion and they did their best to engage him in friendly chatter. Every day they all left at the same time only for Ianto to decline any invitations from going to a pub with Owen, over having a friendly dinner with Gwen and to walking with Tosh.

When their attampts became a regularity, Ianto subtle started to flirt with all three of them to anchor his place in the hub.  
But he belonged now to Jack and therefore always returned after their goodbyes and invitations to Jack's office. Ianto was not quite sure what was expected of him on most nights. But he made coffee for Jack and sat down when he was guestered to. Jack would tell him a story or two and then asked him if he wanted to go home or would like to stay.  
Whenever Jack asked that question, Ianto concentrated to sort Jack's feelings and found always genuine hope there amongst lust and protectiveness. So he stayed and had sex with his boss like the slut he believed himself to be.

After four weeks of this new routine Owen wanted to make a medical check up and found lovebites of Jack's doing. Owen was furious. Ianto sat shell shocked there, unable to explain himself. He felt Owens furry and tried to cover himself when the others stormed in. He really didn't need to see them being disappointed in him for being a whore. `But better a whore than a nothing, right?´ he tried to calm himself.

Jack came running in with the others and was confused as to why Owen was shouting curses.  
"What is going on Owen?", Gwen asked as she saw Ianto starring shocked and then started to became apathetic.  
In no time Tosh was beside Ianto and wanted to hug him, when Owen holded her away from the welshman.

"No one, and I mean _**no one**_ , touches teaboy, until I know what, or better who had done this to him.", Owens anger was evident in his whole posture and his words.  
Jack was really confused and concerned now. Ianto seemed to be fine since their first love making and had not complained in anyway. Jack had not been around too much in the hub, as he had tried to handle most rift activity on his own, but he had watched the CCTV and thought, that Ianto seemed more vibrant and lively than before. But seeing the quiet man starring apatheticly into nothingness, Jack felt his insides clenched. He should have known, that nothing was ok. But he was to happy to have his wicked way with that beautiful man than to realize, that something still was very much off. He had believed that Ianto was finally understanding how appreciated and loved he was.  
Looking at him now, Jack knew that wasn't the case.

"Owen, what had happened?", Gwen asked worriedly.  
Instead of an answer Owen demanded of each individual a bite example. Confused as to why Gwen wanted to object, when Jack halted her.  
"Owen, you won't need to test the girls. I know what you want to test for, and I really had thought this was never coming up in that way, but yes Ianto has been sexual active. For the past weeks he and me had enjoyed each other's company, or so I thought...", whispered Jack.

His voice was insecure and broken. He saw a young angry man shouting in his face what a monster he was. The same fierce man sat now in front of Torchwood and starred unresponsive at a wall. And that was all his fault. Because he had misjudged yet again.

"WHAT?! JACK! some of those bites are a bit deep and had drawn actuell blood! How could you?"

Tosh teared up at that notion and turned her head between her most trusted leader and her best friend. Than she looked at Ianto and shivered.  
"It was in the heat of the act. I had asked him before if he would mind if I got a bit rough with him... He said he wouldn't beca-", interrupting himself Jack finally realized something. "Ianto... How do you view yourself?" Jack's voice was laced with fear and that was reason enough to sober the others up and dreading Ianto's reply.

Slowly, as if he was awaking out of a deep slumber, Ianto looking towards Jack and his eyes fixed again. With a sad little smile he said: "I am whatever I will be needed for. Should Gwen need a shoulder to cry on, I will gladly spent consultation. Should Owen need a test subject I gladly volunteer to that. Should Toshiko need a researcher I just be that. And should you need a whore, so I shall be a whore, living up to your needs. Everything to be able to stay in Torchwood."

Toshiko and Gwen couldn't believe their ears. They turned to each other in shock and tried to comfort the other while crying.  
Owen stood there motionless and wheels in his head turned.  
Jack was on the edge of madness. His beautiful man couldn't see his true worth and believed he was going to be kicked out... ´If he not sleeps with you, Harkness. You are such a great boss, really!´  
He needed a moment to come to a conclusion.  
"Owen... sedated him until we find a solution to his memory Problem!", he demanded. Ianto's face crossed a shocked look, which was shortly replaced by resignation. He laid down and waited patiently for his punishment.

Owen didn't hesitate to do as he was ordered. He knew no one in the team could currently deal with their guilt and fear.

But he also knew when he saw Ianto's eyelids closed, that he would move heaven and hell to help him.


	5. Conference room

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Toshiko is putting down her feet.  
> Rhys is mentioned and Owen kind of saves Jack from selfhatered.

Much later they sat down in the conference room brooding. They all knew that this got them nowhere but they really needed it. Especially Jack. He was the closed off person in thw room until Toshiko slammed her fist on the table, shaking everyone with surprise.

"We can't stay like this! We need to get our wits together and help him! There must be something we had overlooked sofar. I refuse to believe, that this is how he really sees his role here.And I will move heaven and hell to find it. But-" , and here her was changed from angry to deadly, "I swear, if Ianto isn't able to accept that he is **not** a slave or a whore or any such nonsense, I will kill you Jack. Because you had fucked him when he was most vulnerable! And that obviously fucked his mind!" The use of so crude language was evidence to Toshiko Sato's furious state.

"I know. He came to me four weeks ago after all of you went home. If I hadn't been drinking I would have realized then, that he wasn't offering sex because he wanted but he believed he was expected. After all he said:

> _ "I could understand, if I offend you with this, but since you always flirted with me I was hoping...." _

After he already said how unfair it was of a butler, his not my words, to leave so much work and asking me if I still wanted him. If I hadn't been drinking I would have reacted better and just send him back to the medical bay. Instead I was afraid of him leaving. Afraid of failure. And so I just happened to fail him even more!" he finished with a bitter and cynical laugh.

Gwen tried to calm them: "Jack you coudln´t-"

"DON´T GWEN. I could have known! I should have known. You and Tosh weren't there but me and Owen. He described his last two years like he was a slave who actually believed to deserve it. He is firm in his believe to have been working here for two freaking years, with my constant advances. So I should have known. Who would reject two years long someone only to suddenly agree to everything that someone wants."

Silence rang louder than any outcry could. Jack felt naeusatic. He had not once stopped and considered the reason behind Ianto's sudden interest in him. He should have. He was an immortal with too many lives lived and wasted. He should have felt that something was off. But no, he was too selfish and to horney to stop even a second. He loathed himself.

It was Owens quiet: "We aren´t better Jack." which got him out of his dark resume. Looking sceptical towards Owen, he waited for the Doctor to elaborate.

"Shit... we really aren't any better. I mean, Gwen, hadn't Ianto let you touch him since last week? I mean, I saw you both in the archives and he had an arm around you well you hugged him tightly and sobbed. And Tosh, hadn´t Ianto taken extra care to organize your schedule and place a few well timed compliments as well as kinda innocent touches. And you had embraced it. And I? I am probably the worst. When I came in late two days ago Ianto had already been in the tourist office and I had felt playful and snarked at him, that he is probably the most prudish office slut I ever encountered. He only smiled softly and said: " _I can be rather a satisfying slut_." I thought he was joking alongside me and I damn idiot said: " _No one is satisfying until I have said so, so teaboy we have to test that theory of yours!"_ "

All of them had been ashamed and afraid when Ianto had accused them of not having any interest in him. Now they simply felt sick.

Ianto did so much for them on a simple daily basis, and they never thanked him probably. Or when they tried they destroyed more than they repair, it seemed.

The fire of hatred and anger Tosh had felt flamed up again. Standing she run out of the conference room only to return with a stack of files later. These she all but throw towards Gwen. "Gwen, Owen, Jack we need the main equipment here so we can work together better. That is the least we can do for him!"

They each looked at each other and nodded. Motivated not only by their guilt but by a strong compassion for Ianto they chanced the conference room into a network and researcher office. Tosh connected the main data base and split screened the projector, so everyone could see the files the others were working on. Even Jack stayed and started on the high confidential files only a torchwood leader had access to.

The others tried not to get distracted by the informations displayed and for the most part it worked.

Tosh felt slightly guilty for her outburst but worked even more determined. They only left the room for nature calls or in Owens case to look after Ianto for a few minutes. Only when Rhys called Gwen, they realized, that neither of them had eaten or drunk much that day. Jack looked in the round while Gwen reassured Rhys she was alright but they needed to help a fellow colleague and she won't be at home. He saw the concentration and the will not to let Ianto down another time. So instead of sending them home, which he knew everyone would object, Jack took Gwen's phone and said seriously: "Hello here is Gwen's boss, Jack Harkness. Could you do us the favor and organise microwave food for 3 days for four and a few vegetables. We will compensate the cost. Gwen will take them from you at the plaza Cardiff bay. And while you at it, a change of clothes in the following sizes and styles.... yes... Thank you Rhys. We will know when you arrive. Until next time." And he hung up. When he refocused on his team they stared unbelievingly at him for a few moments. Than they all smiled gratefully and reinforced their  attempts.

 

After Gwen met with Rhys, and Tosh had been sent with to handle all the stuff, they allowed themselves a short break. Jack had heated the first set of meals, Tosh had made coffee, Gwen tided the conference room enough to put their food down and Owen hunted down blankets and pillows, while checking on Ianto once more.

They sat down to eat in a subdued atmosphere. The only saving grace they had, was the rifts inactivity. 

Yet again they had established a new routine and it was their third day in that way when Tosh snapped. "FOR FUCKS SAKE!"

The others had never heard her this frustrated but could relate. Their tempers were all short. Jack tried to be as cool headed as possible, seeing as last time he had damaged Ianto even more when he allowed feelings to get the better of him. He stood up and walked towards Tosh. "What is it, Tosh?" , he asked as gentle as he could in this situation.

Thankfully the japanese woman appreciated that gesture and pointed frustrated on her screen. "This makes no sense! I have checked everything of the archives and helped Owen to break into the Torchwood one medical files of Ianto, but they are completely non descriptive. Then I checked the computer in the Tourist Information Office, but there was nothing. Still I downloaded the data base and now that I want to access it, it requires an eye scan! That shouldn't be! Only Torchwood structure endangering stuff requires that!"

"Get the eye scanner"

"What?"

"If this database requires eye scans we will give them. Owen you will collect Ianto's in your next check up."

"Jack do you think?", Gwen asked hesitantly.

"Whatever is hidden there, it is important. And to be frank with you, I don't care what dark secrets we will unravel or what we will disturb. Ianto has gone through a lot of shit. And if I can make amends in anyway, I will. Like you said it earlier, move heaven and hell.", Jack told his team.

 

They looked at each other shortly until all of them smiled. They had forgiven Jack for his recklessness and they knew if they manage Ianto to remember he would forgive Jack as well.


	6. A glimpse of Ianto Jones secrets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes preparation is everything. 
> 
> And the archivist excels in that area.
> 
> A bit of Iantos life in Torchwood One and with Lisa

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my OC is mentioned. 
> 
> And again I want to bring to your attention that my work was inspired by the Awaiting Universe series from Markov_Debris. -> http://archiveofourown.org/series/821346

Tosh had finished the last scan and loaded it into the computer. The confirmation process took longer than normally and she felt nervous that they had done something wrong. Not wrong in the sense of morals, she was past caring. Wrong in the sense they blown their only chance to save Ianto.

Finally there was a soft bing and the split screens were removed from the projector. Shortly there was a black screen on Tosh laptop but soon they heard and saw Ianto, sitting in the archives recording. Wrong archives but definitely archives.

"Hello, my name is Ianto Jones. While I hope this isn't necessary, I was taught to be prepared for everything. Whoever is currently in charge of Torchwood one, or god forbid, whatever organisation came after, you stumbled over this information because you investigated into my person. I probably should feel honored, but I admit I am more concerned.  I still doubt I should do this, I hope that whoever you are, the information I will provide helps to save the day, as my friends here would say.

My official files states that I was born on 19. August 1983, which is incorrect. I was born on the 20th of may 1985. Further my file records one older sister and two passed parents, which is incomplete. I have a twin sister. The last I heard of her, she was sent to America, we both had started Torchwood career together. To our own protection, our files were falsified. We pretended to be just friends, both born in Cardiff, which you can guess is wrong as well. We had been born in Ogmar Valle, a small village rumored for their strangeness. Every decade or so there is at least one child born with a heightened awareness and strange behaviour. In my case, both my sister and me had these. We never cried, we never shouted, we never laughed, we never fooled around like the others.

But we were in contact with the strangest beings. When we were children we called them fews and beus, and many different names. Here in Torchwood I learned of a few official names. They are called Fairies and Weevils and Judoon. Our grandmother had always told us to keep this a secret, to stay away from other humans because no one understands. Then we found Torchwood. We joined, me in the archives, my sister as field agent. On the side we have been researchers and she had gotten the offer to start UNIT training. While I became the PA of the Torchwood leader Yvonne Hartman. That meant that we needed to be even more careful with our abilities. Then came the ghost shift project. As every member of Torchwood had been tested for psychic abilities, and we both tried to downplay ours, they had found a letter from our older sister, asking if we still believe in telepathy and such. They forced us to participate and from then on everything went downhill."

The screen Ianto had been stoic the whole time but now he sighed sadly and got a faraway look. A few seconds passed until he snapped back and continued: "Many other test subjects got killed or became mad. From the 50 participants only 15 survived, two of them with their mind in tact. Me and my sister. We had seen the void. We know what comes after death, that was what drove most crazy or into suicide. After the first killed themselves they decided to stop the project and wiped our memories of the most awful day. I know I haven't coped well with what I have seen, but instead of erasing my memory like they intended, they only detached me from them. I can look at those without feeling it being me.

 

My sister got the offer to join a joint project in America as compensation, she took it while I stayed for my girlfriend. It was foolish for me to believe that Lisa would understand what I am. What my abilities can do. I let her in on it. She screamed what kind of a monster I was. That was until I rearranged her memories.

And here is probably what interest you most, my abilities. I decided to bury them and detach myself from them as soon as possible, but I will let a gateway open, should they ever be needed to save this planet. I am a born empathy with telekinesis ability. Meaning, I know how people feel around me and if I wish I can read and rearrange their thoughts. I can either delete information or implant. Same goes for emotion. I have the ability to shield a mind from those attacks as well. My sister and me stopped to have the ability to see possibilities. With the touch of the void it returned. We are able to see, mostly in our dreams, what each and every decision can change for the universe. It is frightening most times. I hope whoever you are, these information can help you. Who knows if I am still around... The flames, while yet not happened, will consume everything I had known and come to care for. Maybe I will be able to destroy the link to my abilities completely. For that I need to break. My soul is old. I have lived many lives, while I can't remember them when being awake, my dreams had told me enough."

The video massage ended there. Leaving a shocked and confused team of Torchwood three. Just when Gwen wanted to ask if that was even possible, a second message started.

Ianto looked hurt and had several bruises. In his clear blue eyes lay deep sadness. His voice was hushed: "I don't have much time. I will rearrange a couple of my memories and hope for the best. Torchwood three, should I ever be able to get your forgiveness, I am grateful. I have seen the possibilities of Lisa destroying you but also of managing her being restored. I need to try... I own her that... I am so sorry. You all would have been wonderful friends if we both tried... Should it come to that I lose her for good, help me. I will need you for I won't be able to access my rearranging memory ability from now on. Only If I should be unable to cope, I will reset and the price will be high. It is always high. You can't erase gifts without giving something as important away. In my case it will be my capability of self worth. I will need you to rebuild it... help me."

 

Another black screen another torturing pause until a third record started. It was of a much more stressed and emotionless looking Ianto. The team realized it was a Ianto Jones in his suspension time. Like he had spoken in the medical bay he whispered: "I can´t believe I still have flashes of future possibilities... they should have been gone. We shouldn't go to Brecon Beacons. But we will, I am certain. My mind tries to sever the connection to my empathy but after Lisa... after that thing has perished, my fixpoint to concentrate all my empathy on had been shattered. I feel even from here your guilt and pity. And I am nowhere near any of you. It makes me sick. I can't sleep because my walls are broken. I can't eat because I always feel nauseated. I need to do something... anything... I just hope by the time we returned from the field trip I will be able to strengthen my natural walls again. If anything fails... You guys need to kill me. I can't continue... it´s too much. Another rearranging will destroy my sanity or what is left of it. I know I am asking a lot but please... kill me."

 

Dumbstruck and depressed the members of Torchwood three sat in silence. The girl's cheeks were wet with tears and Owen had turned away at one point. Jack stood unmoving. Unbelieving. No human of this century or that before should be able to have such heightened awareness. Now he understood how Ianto was able to be so stealthy. How Ianto managed to meet everyone's needs. He hadn't been reading minds, Jack's own abilities would have told him. No, he had felt their emotions while staying stoic himself.

Ianto had seen the void just like himself, but for that he had not died. And now he asked them... 

"We can't right? I mean... there must be a way to save him... even maybe free him of his burden?", Gwen asked with fear and hope. She hadn't realized, that free him could be understand as killing him and therefore was shocked when Jack trained a pistol to her head. "J..Jack?"

Tosh gasped and watched fearful of what could happened while Owen prepared to interfere.

"How do you dare to imply that it would be ok to kill him?!", Jack all but shouted. The confused expression of Gwen told him what he needed to know and he lowered his weebly. "Think Gwen... think what you just said."

When she replayed her words she understood the cause and looked downright terrified and disgusted with herself. "I am so sorry. I didn´t mean-"

 

Owen huffend: "That is the problem here, isn't it? We all say and do stuff without considering the implication it can have on someone else. Especially someone who can sense emotions. Oh gosh... He must have felt all our emotions towards each other and got confused by how we acted... and from medical point of view consider this: He had lost over 700 people he worked with in Canary Wharf. He hed **felt** each person's pain, angst and anger. An experience like Canary Wharf alone can destroy humans minds, that is if they are not feeling what others went through there as well. For him to be able to talk to people alone is... he is so much stronger than anyone I've ever known."

Silence rang heavy in the room. Each member were trying to process the information given to them.

Tosh was the first to brought something to their attention. "Guys... He said he has a twin sister with the same abilities... Do you believe she... she could help?"

That got everyone to met each other's eyes and nod. Hesitantly they started their research for the lost sister. Soon they found out, they didn't need to search for her, as she had been on her way for Ianto.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So we head to the final.
> 
> In the next chapter my OC will arrive.
> 
> This is actually the point where I could think about rewritting it into a bigger project with more chapters and a different storyline (sticking only to canon characters.)
> 
> If anyone is interested please let me know so I can decide whether to start the alternative storyline from my draft or not.


	7. The twin, a rescue?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rhys is a good lad. 
> 
> Ianto´s sister saves the day, or:
> 
> Empaths on their own.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And only the short epilog is left.  
> I hope you guys enjoyed the story. I normaly shy away from using OC as main character, or important ones. But I tried something new here so, well you can read the results for yourselves.
> 
> I am not quiet satisfied with the ending...  
> Anyway enjoy my little madness, my friends. See you again for the epilog (length: about 600 words)

Rhys was coming home from work when he found a stranger in front of his door. It was a young woman with jet black hair and crystal blue eyes. Her face was without wrinkles and very youthful, but something in her eyes told Rhys that she could be older than she looked like.  "Can I help you Miss?", he asked wary. Last time a stranger showed up in front of their home, they had tried to harm Gwen. But as soon as his concern were awoken, the stanger smiled at him and a soft soothing voice said: "My Name is Jones, Eirian Jones. My brother is working with Gwen. Could you phone her and tell her, that I will see what I can do to help them?"

As soon as Eirian had started to speak Rhys felt safe and comfortable, as if they knew each other for years. Smiling widely he answered: "Sure no problem with that, Eirian. I am Rhys Williams. And would you want me to drop you of somewhere or are you gonna waiting here?"

Chuckling she said: "I will meet with Gwen at the entrance to her work. Please tell her that she doesn´t need to worry, I know where it is."

With that the young female left.

A few minutes later Gwen's phone rang and startled everyone. Before she could accept the call, Tosh had hacked into the signal and opened the line on speaker. Gwen sent her an appalled look than heard Rhys and wanted to tell Tosh to stop, when Rhys wouldn't stop in his excited rant: "Hi Gwen, I know you´re still busy. I have got news though! Eirian Jones, Ianto's sister will meet you at your office. She said she´s here to help you guys! Such a nice woman. At first I was wary of her, but she was very friendly and had just this air of an honest person! Really nice. Anyway, when will you be able to come home?"

Stunned Gwen replied: "As soon as this is sorted out. Thank you Rhys. Love you." With that Tosh hung up. Soon after the call, they heard the office alarm and all ran upstairs to find Eirian Jones idle sitting in Ianto's chair. "Hello, I hope I can help my brother with his little problem..." they were greeted with a shy smile and knowing eyes.

Jack stepped forward and extended his hand distrustful. Still smiling Eirian stood and hold her hands above her head. "Look, I know who everyone of you is. I have Torchwood one security clearance and I work abroad in another joint operation. But I guess you already know tha. I know what you guys do downstairs and I am really only here to help Ianto. He was always the one of us, who was more affected. His abilities stronger than mine.  I just wish to stabilize him that he can be who he used to as a child."

Her words were spoken with sincerity and determination. Still they needed prove. Owen asked: "How do we know that you aren't tricking us?"

"You can take a DNA sample and test it. As we are twins, the match should be above 80%.  And yes, I know what I am talking about as I am a medical doctor myself.", Eirians face was open and hopeful. It was nothing of the words or how she carried herself. It were her eyes which managed to convince Jack. Eyes so much like Ianto´s, also holding a glint of wisdom and something undoubtful old.

"Won't be necessary. Come... Ianto is currently in a comatose state.", the captain said in a strained voice and started to lead the way down. Eirian followed and then the others behind. Soon they were in the medical bay and Eirian let out a sad sigh, so much like Ianto, that no one had any doubts left that those two were at least siblings.

"May I?", she asked tenderly when she stepped closer towards her brother and reached for his hand. She only touched him, when Owen nodded his agreement.

In a rueful however tender voice she spoke: "Hey YanYan, it´s me... Eirian. I know you can hear and feel me... I will rip open your barriers... I will restore what you had deleted and filled away. I will undo what you have rearranged. I will hurt you, so in the end you can be better. We will make you yourself again. That cheeky self-conscious yet witty man, who always knew what to do and had a wicked sense of humor. A lot will change. I will try to ban your access of your abilities like you tried. We can do it together... I will pour my mind into yours now... and we will get started. Trust me, **fy mrawd**." (My Brother)

And before anyone could object, she reached out with her mind into Ianto's.

As soon as she did that, her eyes became distant and withdrawn, as if she would look into another dimension. At the same time, Ianto started to trash and despite the sedatives to scream. He begged her to stop, he didn't want to remember. He had chosen this as punishment. He was not worthy. All this and much more was screamed and cried out from the black haired man, while he still was very much asleep.

His friends were standing helplessly beside the siblings and tried to comfort each other. Gwen and Tosh had their head leant on Jack's chest on each side, while the immortal rested his hands on their shoulders, drawing them into a tight embrace. Owen had scooted closer to them, after he had checked the vitals and laced one hand with Jacks on Toshiko's shoulder and the other with Tosh´s herself.

While the girls let their tears for the pain their friend was in run freely, Owen pretended to have something in his eyes and Jack tried to stay stoic. It was evident to all of them, that Ianto was in terrible pain and feared what happened. But Eirian seemed to not be very much better, as her body shook and tears run down her cheeks, soft whimpers escaping her lips and silent pleas for her brother to keep fighting and helping her.

They weren't aware of how long it took. They only realized it had been a while, when suddenly Eirian took a step back and fainted shortly after, while Ianto gasped and woke for a just that moment. His eyes were full of fear and adoration for the female on the ground. A moment later he looked to his friends and gave a small but tender smile before he closed his eyes once again and fell in a deep slumber.

They waited for two more days until both Jones woke up again. Eirian had been fallen into the same slumber after her brother and so they decided to keep her in the bed next to Ianto.

The field agents were in the middle of a briefing about the latest rift activity, when Owens sensors signaled the awaking. They all ran to the medical bay. Jack banged the door open just in time to see Ianto sitting up and his sister waking up, smiling at him. When the two empaths heard the door opened, they looked towards Jack and the others and grinned. "Well... I never thought, that I could cause so much problem with such a little stunt. Now is the question, have you missed me or my coffee?" , Ianto all but teased.

The teasing tone in Ianto's voice was everything the team needed to rush towards him and flung him in a group hug. Even Owen, while later denying, participated. Only Jack and Eirian didn´t. Eirian looked towards the immortal and stood up, closing the last bit of distance. She whispered: "He knows. He isn't angry. He wanted to use your attraction so you keep him. He is afraid that you hate him for that. I think you never can. But he needs to hear it from you. I cutted his connection to his abilities. From now on, he won´t feel what any of you can feel. And it is for the best. I will leave tomorrow morning and if the world can handle itself, I won´t come here again. He knows that as well. We had once agreed to never meet again."

Jack had listened intently and was confused as to why siblings with such abilities and strong bond wouldn't want to meet again. Than she touched softly his hand and he understood. Images of others shunning them and hating them for being different, whereas still not alone in that. Soon she gathered her things and with the same stealth Ianto displayed, she got away unnoticed. Unnoticed by the others, however not by Jack and Ianto. Ianto smiled sadly while something in his eyes looked ancient. Jack knew that he was forgiven.

Later, when everyone had been sent home to rest for two days and coming in late on the third, bosses order,  Jack sat in his office reviewing the last weeks. It had been turbulent and gruesome.  A soft knock ripped him out of his musing and he smiled slightly. "Come in Ianto, ah the final coffee of the day. Thank you."

"You´re welcome, Sir.", replied the welshman. He was far more vibrant than ever before. He still was very silent, but he had this lightness around himself, which spoke of freedom and happiness. He gave his customary smile and turned to leave.

 

Jack felt suddenly the need for the archivists company so he bluttered out:  "Why don't you stay for a bit, Ianto?"

Turning the younger man observed Jack shortly and then seated himself in the chair opposite of Jack. He kept silent. His eyes piercing and waiting. Still the eyes of an old soul. Still wise and compassionate. Jack choked on his own spit and got a rise of an amused eyebrow.

"You're alright, Jack?"

That paused the older male completely. No sir, no guarded expression, just open amusement and a friendly smile. "Yeah. Thank you Ianto..."

"You´re welcome."

Silence rang loud between them. Tension filled Jack´s whole body, while Ianto looked very much at ease. "If that was all?", Ianto started to rise again and walked towards the door, only for Jack to grab his wrist and turning him around. "I am sorry, Ianto. I should have known. I shouldn't have done-"

He was stopped by soft lips on his and a brilliant smile afterwards.

"Jack, if I would feel uncomfortable with your advances, I wouldn´t have encouraged them. From the very first moment, I found myself interested in you, which conflicted my bond with Lisa. So I tried not to feel anything, not even attraction. Maybe in the future we can act open that, but not yet. I first want to fit in properly, before anything could happen."

Too overwhelmed Jack simply gave his agreement and stated: "I will be ready when you are. Welcome back, Ianto."

"Thank you Jack. Good night, Sir. Take care."

And he was left alone in silence.  
  
Yet, in all his lonely years silence had rarely felt so companiable and soothing.


	8. Epilog

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time passed and things changed.
> 
> Still, Jack´s heart stayed the same.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here we're. The end of this Story has arrived.
> 
> For all who had made it until here, thank you very much for reading.
> 
> When my schedule clears again, I will upload other nanowrimo projects (nearly all of them for this fandom ;) )
> 
> The offer to rewrite the story from chapter 6 on still stands. 
> 
> Love you all and a lovely first advent.

Jack stood on the rooftop of his most favorite building in Cardiff. He watched the nightlife below and yet didn't really see. It had been a couple of decades since his last visit and he had felt the urge to visit Ianto's grave. Owen´s and Tosh´s had been in the same area but after the rental fee wasn't provided any longer, there were new names. Jack had made sure, that Ianto's fee was always covered. He had never been able to tell Ianto how much he loved him while that beautiful male was alive. And he hadn´t been to the funeral. All things he had regretted.

After miracle day, Jack had found a letter and a request of meeting with her from Eirian. He had forgotten how much they had looked alike and it pained him physically until she soothed his pain with her abilities. They hadn't talked. She had simply walked alongside him. When it was time for Jack to leave she said: "He loved you back. Ever since he had known you. Humans with our abilities do not fall in love easily. We are wary... He wants you to find happiness. Silly if you consider that he was your final happiness. But do not give up on hope... Love him like you promised and everything will work out. I am sure of it. Can I ask you a favor? When I die, I want a grave closely to my brother. That is everything, close in birth and death." 

Jack wasn't able to say anything to her before she left him with a final touch, implanting blurred image in his mind. The image of Ianto and her clinging at each other while tears streamed their faces and the vision of the exact same grave he had stood before. When she was gone, all his pain returned. Three years later he got another letter, from a lawyer naming him the heir to the Jones family funds and personal funds of Ianto and Eirian. He arranged for Eirian´s grave to be beside her twin brother. After that he fled the earth again. He needed to get away from his pain. He drifted around. Causing havoc in his way. He actually managed to find the 456 home planet and destroyed it.

Then he returned to the earth again. Rex had slowly started to age and test showed, that his blood was mixed and replaced with the original human blood Rex had. Anwen had joined Torchwood after her mother retired and was the current leader. Jack occasionally lend assistance. He never wanted to bond to another team. Therefore he left after a year or so and only came back after decades, or centuries.

 

When the year 3009 rolled by, he returned to the earth again.

Jack Harkness stood at the only two graves on the ancient graveyard, which had been the same for a little over 1000 years. "I promised you, Ianto. I would love and remember you a thousand years. Look here I am. A solid millennium later. I still don't understand, why your sister showed me those images. You both as children hated for your close bond and abilities. Feared because you had each other and you both had been powerful even then... And you holding onto each other for dear life, while knowing what awaited you. I miss you Ianto... I will always miss you."

Sinking to his knees he started to cry. He was so absorbed in his mourning that he hadn't heard the soft steps taken towards him.

"She showed you because you needed to understand, which gravity a bond between humans like me and her had. Or me and you, Jack."

Turning Jack saw a man a bit smaller than his Ianto had been, the hair a bit lighter, the eyes a bit darker. But still, the way that man carried himself, the way he spoke with the most dreaded and most loved welsh vocals. The look in those darker eyes. "Ianto?"

"Yes, Cariad. I had hoped you would remember your promise, so I could fulfill mine. I will never leave your side again, Jack. Never."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay guys. Currently I am moving flats and later next week I will be in hospital and that probably for a prolonged stay. Therefore I will use my free time to write but won´t be able to update and polish this story nor publish the rewrittn version. I should be able to do so by february 2018 and hope to get response from you guys then.  
> Love you and merry christmas and a happy new year


End file.
